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christian counseling

The Sound of Freedom Part 3

So far on the journey, I’ve explained how I began working with people in the area of human trafficking. Often God leads you down very interesting paths that you could never imagine. In fact, there are many things I’ve done in my life that I never planned or had a strong desire to do from an early age. I simply have just said yes to the Lord in small things which led to some amazing journeys.

The next part of my journey was being asked to be on the human trafficking task force for my county. It is actually one of a few in the entire nation. Our DA knows it is happening around us and wants to stop it. So, she organized a team of community people, law enforcement, agency leaders, etc. to discuss, consult and work together to combat it. I love this group of people and believe they are some of the best in the business.

One of the members of this committee is a leader in the community who runs an agency that directly works to prevent and intervene with minor girls who have been trafficked. She is a force to be reckoned with, and is I believe the best in the field. This relationship led to me being asked to be a board member for her agency, Present Age Ministries (PAM).

PAM is an agency that works in our area doing many wonderful things to first prevent sex-trafficking of girls such as training for law enforcement, presentations for groups interested, groups for at-risk girls, developing curriculum for schools, and more. The intervention efforts include rescuing victims, partnering with counselors (like me and my staff) to provide counseling for victims, providing resources for families impacted, education for victims, training law enforcement, and more.

PAM also works internationally to do the same work in places such as Kenya. Last year, I went with PAM to Kenya and met some beautiful students, who during a school training in an area where we work, shared some very hard stories. I am so thankful we are working in this area…

So my sound of freedom now is the voice of my sweet friend, Hannah saying “Not on my watch”. Someone has to fight against this evil. Join me in supporting this work by donating to

Present Age Ministries by using the QR code below or going to https://presentageministries.org

Dr. Atwell

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christian counseling

Help: My teen is depressed

If you only knew the number of times, I hear this on a weekly basis, you may experience some depressed feelings. Friends text me, potential clients email me, my family calls me, and I consult with colleagues as my own children have their moments, etc. The amount has increased exponentially in the past several years.

There are many factors I believe (from what I’ve seen and heard) that have contributed to the increase: increase use of technology for social purposes, 24/7 access to anything and everything, decrease in time spent in person with others, decrease emphasis on spiritual families (church, youth group, godly mentors), unhealthy spiritual families, increase focus on talent/intellect/abilities OVER focus on development of character, increase in divorce and family splits that are much more volatile, a push for medicating problems over uncovering the root of issues, the push of social/cultural agendas, and more but these are the biggest factors.

You may or may not be shocked by the “factors” I’ve identified, but the truth is teens are experiencing depression at higher rates than ever before. So how can we respond as parents:

1-Monitor your teens’ social media. Tell them why and explain that you are trying to help them manage their mental health by having time off. Gradually, allow them to have social media as they mature, but regularly monitor and talk to them about it. My personal recommendation is 30-60 minutes a day max on social media.

2-Take time off. Help your kids take time off too not just from technology but from everything. Prioritize family time again. Rest and reset often. Model this for your teens. While you are “off” spend time with your kids. Maybe you have 3, 4, or more kids and you think it is impossible. Make it happen no matter what. This is a life-or-death issue. Your kids need your one-on-one attention more than anyone or anything else, period. Weekly is preferred with each child in the home (at least an hour uninterrupted or split up over days).

3-Make sure your family spends time in person together regularly. Eat dinner as often as possible together. Have your teens invite their friends over. Encourage and require in-person activities.

4-Find a spiritual family/church to be a part of. I prefer the term spiritual family because this is what it should be. You and your family should be making healthy attachments to godly people. If you do, the chances of drug/alcohol addiction and all types of other unhealthy behaviors will decrease.

5-Make sure your spiritual family is a healthy one. Know the people teaching your kids at youth group. Make sure your pastor is preaching the truth of God from the Bible, which requires you to know the Bible…so read it daily, study it, meditate on it. This is the only truth and one that promises to set us free.

6-Place more attention on the development of character by fostering growth of the fruit of the spirit: love, gentleness, patience, kindness,  love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control OVER grades, sports, music lessons, etc. These things can be used to help foster character but often we (yes me included) focus more on how well they perform over their attitudes.

7-Fight to keep your family together. If this isn’t possible, make every effort to get along. Kids ALWAYS interpret parents who do not get along as their fault in divorce situations. So stop it!

8-If your child needs medication (should be a last resort), couple this with counseling so that they learn to deal with the root of the problem and prayerfully overcome it OR learn tools to cope with it that make them stronger.

9-Do not allow society or culture to tell your children WHO or WHAT they are. Teach them and show them that they are who God (their creator) says they are. They are designed perfectly as his creation. They are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. (Psalm 139:14). Others are trying to teach your children something counter to God’s truth so make sure they know and do not assume. They are precious in the sight of the Almighty.

Finally, remember you are NOT alone. Pray for your children. Invite the Holy Spirit to fill you and your child to do the work that only He can do. Seek Godly counsel. Spend time with your children as often as possible. Get help from godly counselors as needed. Find good physicians who will listen first and not just prescribe after a few minutes.

There is a supernatural fight for our children, but remember that the weapons of our warfare are righteousness, peace, truth, God’s word, salvation through Jesus, and faith. Do you know why David in the battle against Goliath picked up FIVE stones? I believe it is because Goliath had four brothers. So pick up all the stones you need to fight the battle against your teen. We will take down every giant in this world if we fight the right way and remember that HE who is within us is greater than he who is in the world.

Slaying giants for your children and mine,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling Love

Dear Counselor, What is the secret to love?

I have really enjoyed answering the questions that have come in for the Dear Counselor series. Please feel free to share this and let anyone who is interested in asking a question to send it to erica@concord-nacounseling.com and I’ll continue to answer…

So, to the question at hand. What is the secret to love? It is so intriguing how much people love “secret” things. I remember reading the Secret Garden when I was younger and loving it. As an adult, I love figuring things out while watching crime or suspense-type shows or reading books. I also love the idea of a “secret recipe”.

My favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe includes a “secret” ingredient from one of my favorite people (who went to heaven last year…). I’ve made these cookies many times and each time I prided myself in telling others it included a “secret” ingredient and everyone loved them! However, I’ve made other chocolate chip cookie recipes over the years and people have loved these cookies as well.

This has led me to believe that maybe it isn’t so much the “secret” ingredient that made the cookies so special but the person behind the “secret”. It is fun to make a recipe that came from someone you love and the fact that there is a “secret” ingredient made it even more special.

So why have I said all of this in answering what is the secret to love, well it is because just like the recipe story, I believe the secret to love is the person behind it. You see God is love. He is the secret ingredient. Regardless of whether or not it is friendship love, family love, or romantic love, I do not believe you can truly love someone outside of having God at the core of the relationship because He IS love.

He is the one who teaches us what love is and how to love others. He defined love by being a marvelous creator of good things, by giving us free will, and by extending us grace when he chose to go away from Him as a result of the free will by sending His son Jesus to die for our sins and giving us a chance to have a relationship with Him again. His love is patient, kind, gentle, not boastful or proud, not dishonoring, doesn’t keep a record of wrongs, is not easily angered, and doesn’t delight in evil. His love is protective, hopeful, trusting, and NEVER fails. (1 Corinthians 13)

God is the secret because He is love. Seek Him and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. (Matt 6:33).

Have a great day,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Will you add a Ukrainian orphan to your Christmas list?

I know it may seem early to start preparing for the holidays, BUT my youngest son and I must start now. I’m not referring to putting up decorations and watching Christmas vacation, although I love those things!

This year, we have a chance to help orphans and their caregivers who had to flee their homes from the war. Our plan is to join Glow Mission and Legacy Refuge as we host Christmas camps for refugees throughout Europe!

If you like to help us by sponsoring an orphan, we would be thrilled. The cost is $100 per orphan and we are hoping to raise enough to cover 700 children. If you’d like to donate, please go to Paypal and give to counselorthreads@gmail.com.

Counselor Threads is my new clothing brand I’ve started to help raise money for these and other efforts, but you do not have to buy anything, you can simply donate at Paypal via the email address counselorthreads@gmail.com. I will make sure you get credit for your donation.

You may also send a check to Natalie Atwell, memo: Ukraine orphans and mail it to 170 Davidson Hwy Suite 201, Concord, NC 28027

Watch the video below for more info.

Thank you in advance!

Dr. Atwell and youngest son!

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christian counseling

Cognitive Distortion #1: Black or White/Polarized thinking

Road sign message - Change just ahead

I love the song by the late Michael Jackson, “Black or White” and it truly shouldn’t matter when it comes to the color of your skin but we are not talking about skin today. We are discussing our black-or-white thoughts also known as polarized thinking.

First of all, I acknowledge that polarized thinking can be helpful in an emergency situation. However, polarized thinking can be harmful if it is used all of the time in your thought life.

This type of thinking is very rigid in nature. It can often prevent you from trying new things or challenging yourself.

Here are some examples:

-I am a complete failure if I’m not the best at __________.

-I must be the best athlete in my school or I should quit.

-I am unlikeable so I should just stay at home.

-If I eat unhealthy once the whole day is ruined.

You get the point. Consider going throughout the day and writing down all of the times your thoughts are polarized. This is where you can begin to identify and then prepare to change unhealthy thinking.

In order to combat the cognitive distortion of polarized or black or white thinking, you can first try adding one of two short conjunctions, AND or BUT.

Let’s practice:

-I failed this test, but I will study next time.

-I may not be the best athlete on the team, but I am a great team player.

-I do things at times that cause people to not like me and while I don’t mean to do certain things on purpose, I’m trying to learn from my mistakes.

-I ate an unhealthy breakfast and for lunch, I will eat a balanced, healthy meal.

Try it today when you find yourself thinking this way. Don’t settle for distorted thoughts!

Have a great day,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Transitioned!


Have you or someone you know settled into a new season in life? Over the past month or so I’ve thought a lot about and written about transitions. Naturally, the next phase to consider is reflecting on the transition.

Oftentimes, we do not reflect back on phases or seasons of life whether good or bad. However, we have much to learn from and be grateful for if we look back and consider what we learned. This morning, I found a journal with an entry from 2009 in it. Wow, what a difference 10+ years make… In this particular entry, I was praying about finding proper childcare for my oldest son. Looking back, I remember how stressful that time was, but now I can see the wonderful ways in which God was with us in that season.

Now as my oldest is in high school, the worries and concerns for him are not the same as when he was little, but my strategy of taking my cares to the Lord is because I’ve learned over the years that the best thing I can do with my concerns is to take them to God in prayer. Reflecting back has encouraged me to keep praying and keep trusting God. It also shows me that God is always working and that His plans for us are great.

Rather, the transition you’ve experienced is fairly recent or not, I challenge you to reflect back on the last season and write down what you have learned, and who was there for you through the transition, challenges, and blessings you’ve experienced. This process of reflection may just help you go through the next season.

Personally, I like to also think of the funny things that happened during the past season. Laughter is one of my favorite gifts from God. Regardless of your process for reflection, don’t neglect it! Just like looking at your reflection in a mirror, reflecting back can help you learn even more about yourself. Then you can decide if there are things that need to change or stay the same.

Feeling reflective,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Changing seasons: Preparing for and embracing change

Recently where I live, we’ve had a “cold” front come through (it was 68 degrees earlier this morning compared to 98 a week ago…). As the seasons change, I love to focus on the positives such as wearing boots in fall/winter! There are some places in the world where the seasons don’t change, which always fascinates me considering I’ve always lived in a place that has four seasons. Most of these people actually want to experience changing seasons. They’d love to see the trees change colors and experience wearing different types of shoes (I love shoes…) :).

When it comes to changing seasons in life, we often fight the changes instead of embracing the positives that come with the change. During this time of year, some people are preparing to go back to school, to go back into the classroom to teach, to go off to college, starting a new sport, getting their families ready to do the things already mentioned, or possibly starting a new job. The list could go on. The reality that you or someone near you is currently going through a transitions during this time of year is highly likely.

So why not embrace these transitions or help someone do so in positive ways? Don’t be the one who hates “back to school”, cries for weeks when your kid goes to college, complains about getting up early or staying up late for a ballgame, or fusses that you don’t get to see your grandkids enough….

Here are some things to try to take control of my mind and stay positive while embracing the new season whatever it may be.

1-Make the first day back to school fun. I always play the clip from the movie Billy Madison with Adam Sandler singing “back to school…” followed by the Saturday Night Live skit/clip with Chris Farley and Adam Sandler “Lunch Lady land”. They are easy to find on YouTube.com and now my kids have both memorized!

2-Send care packages to your loved ones or friends who have gone off to college. Send fun things, weird but funny advice (Don’t eat yellow snow for example).

3-Send you grandkids handwritten notes. Volunteer in your community. Stay busy helping others instead of focused on negative things. Support your loved ones in the ways they need not the ways you want.

4-Cry briefly if you must, then call the friend who will make you laugh or take you out if you are struggling with your kid starting a new school or moving away and praise God your kid is moving to the next level or that you have kids!

5-Do something each morning that you look forward to. I look forward to my coffee and time with Jesus every morning in my prayer closet. I meditate, pray, journal, sometimes cry, laugh, and try to get my mind right for the day.

6-Try learning something new. Personally, I’d like to try playing pickle ball.

The list could go on, but you get the point. Life is truly what you make it wherever you are and in whatever season. Don’t look back wishing your past were still the present. Looking back may cause you to become a pillar of salt, (Genesis 19:26)– stuck where you are. Appreciate where you are now just as much as being thankful for where you have been. Choose to be the fun old lady, the sweet neighbor, the one who keeps serving and making a difference in her community.

Just like some would love to be experience the seasons changing where they live, enjoy the changes you are going through because many wish they were able to experience the changes you are undergoing. Finally remember that God has great plans for you in every season of life (Jeremiah 29:11).

Be blessed,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Concerns about the Enneagram

As a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and university professor, I’ve been aware of the enneagram for many years, likely longer than most. However, over the past several years, I have been amazed at how the popularity of this test has increased dramatically especially within Christian circles. I’m often asked what my thoughts are about the Enneagram, so I will share below…

First of all when evaluating assessments and tests seeking to understand yourself, you should find out where the test originated, who created it, the validity, reliability, etc. Second, if you are a Christian, you should find out how it relates to truth as defined in the Bible. Third, ask yourself why you need this assessment or the information it is claiming to provide. Then as always, proceed with caution with anything that seeks to define you outside of God.

My concerns with the Enneagram as someone who has a doctorate in the field of counseling is related to a few things.

1-The “test” isn’t a psychological assessment that has undergone specific design and professional strategies to prove or attempt to suggest reliability or validity internally or externally.

2-The test has similarities and roots pointing to New Age (occult) practices and teachings.

3-This test attempts to put people into categories or boxes (similar to the concerns about critical race theory at times) in a way whereas God’s word never does this and suggests we are all created uniquely and wonderfully different.

3-If we believe the Enneagram is true, then we may latch on to and start filtering everything through the lens of the Enneagram. Similar to astrology or other efforts to explain humans, people have a tendency to latch on to things and begin believing everything a specific belief suggests simply because parts of it make sense. As believers in Christ, we should filter everything through the lens of scripture as it alone provides absolute truth.

4-Do not be easily deceived by things that seemingly “make sense”. This is often how deception occurs.

5-Be cautious about anything that focuses solely on your “self”. Focusing life and truth solely on your experiences is very dangerous and also what New Age teaches not what the Bible teaches. If you experience it, then it is true…This is a very dangerous idea.

6-Finally, remember as christians, we should be going through a sanctification process as we allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through us each day. Therefore, just because at times for example we may struggle with perfectionism doesn’t mean God isn’t working in us to overcome this. Just like we should never say as believers in Christ, “I just struggle with anger, it is who I am.” Rather we should say, I am a new creation in Christ, I will die to my flesh daily. We may not change in an instant but we shouldn’t struggle as much today as we did the day we decided to follow Jesus.

For more information, I urge you to read the following article by: Marcia Montenegro.

https://ses.edu/what-about-the-enneagram/

More articles below:

http://www.christiananswersforthenewage.org/Articles.html

Be blessed,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Understanding Transitions

Road sign message - Change just ahead

Change is inevitable. We will all go through multiple transitions in life. During the fall season, the leaves in many places change colors on the trees. Some have children going off to college. Some are the ones going off to college and parents of new teens are freaking out of bodily changes… Others are beginning new jobs, trying new activities, etc.

As we have all settled in for the fall in one way or another, it may be important to understand the phases of transition that most people will experience. Transition generally follows this pattern: denial, resistance, exploration, and commitment.

1-Denial: In this phase, you begin to question the change. Was it the right move for us? We begin to feel disbelief that we have decided to make a change of this nature. We may also withdrawal from certain things, activities, etc.

2-Resistance: In the next phase you begin to resist as you become negative about the change. You being to focus on your emotions and personal impact or feelings associated with the change. You may even become less productive or make up excuses for being absent.

3-Exploration: Once you reach this phase, you begin to try new things, experiment with new people/places and possibly take new risks in your new setting. You may also seek answers to your questions during this phase about your transition, etc. This phase will bring about a new excitement and comfort for the change.

4-Commitment: In the final stage of transition or change. You begin to feel more comfortable with where you are and are now able to focus on the future without looking back. In the final phase you accept your new role and set new goals.

As you go through change in life or as you help another go through a transition, remember these stages. People go through these at different rates of time but it is important to know that the feeling, emotions, questions, etc. you have during the phases are normal. Change is a natural and healthy part of life but that doesn’t mean it is always comfortable. However, we will never grow as we can and should if we stay within our comfort zone and never embrace change.

From a faith perspective, we can know that God is the person who never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and will be tomorrow. We can hold fast to his word and person as we deal with the transitions of life.

Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

Don’t fear change,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Overcomer!

Season 2, Episode 1 is here! Check out this amazing message on how to overcome along with an interview from a friend who survived a shark attack…

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1378717/7604758