Tag: dear counselor

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christian counseling

Dear Counselor…How could someone hurt me like this?

This is a question many have asked me over the years and honestly one I’ve pondered personally at times. The reality is, the more you engage in relationships with people, the more likely you are to experience some type of hurt.

While there are many reasons people hurt others, the majority of the hurts can be categorized in the following:

-Selfishness/pride: People are increasingly self-centered and sadly do not reflect on how their actions, attitudes, and dispositions impact those around them.

-Ignorance: At times, people do not realize they are being hurtful. People are often unaware of cultural biases, racial biases, lack self-awareness, or simply have no idea how to lovingly interact with people who’ve experienced trauma or who are simply going through a hard time.

-Difference of beliefs/values: Some people justify their hurtful behaviors by stating a difference in beliefs or thinking they are helping when in actuality they are hurting someone.

-“Hurt people, hurt people” is a saying that often makes sense even if it shouldn’t be and acceptable behavior. People who are hurt and who don’t effectively deal with their hurt typically hurt others (unknowingly or knowingly).

Often the first step in finding healing is seeking to understand. I hope this post helps you a little on this journey. At the end of the day, I hope you don’t follow the meme I ready recently, “Now that I’m healed, I don’t like people.” We have the tendency after being hurt to avoid others, but when we put walls up, we are also putting walls up to those who can help us heal. As our hurt often comes from relationships, so does our healing.

So, focus on what you can control. Seek to be different and seek to help others heal by not being self-centered, ignorant, judgmental by the wrong standards, or deal with your own hurt so you don’t hurt others.

Remember, as Christians we also serve the one who was hurt so we could be healed…

Isaiah 53: 3-5

“He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed.”

Praying you find healing today,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Dear Counselor…

Recently, I decided to ask you all what you’d like for me to write about, so here goes Blog for Dear Counselor #1.

What is the difference between “being down” for a while and being “depressed”?

This is a great question and arguably one many have asked or pondered. It is also a question for me that is often followed by me asking questions in return.

What does one mean by “being down”? What are your symptoms? How long is “a while”?

Recently, I felt down due to the weather being dreary, coming home from a heart-wrenching mission trip, dealing with loss, and become the mother of a teen driver! It hasn’t felt fun, I can assure you. However, it doesn’t mean I am depressed. Although it is important to monitor how we feel and all of our symptoms so we don’t go from simply being “down” to being depressed.

Depression is a mental health disorder that can be diagnosed by a licensed clinician or medical doctor through assessment of symptoms, length of time with symptoms, circumstances surrounding, family history, etc.

Symptoms to pay attention to include:

  • Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism
  • Feelings of irritability, frustration, or restlessness 
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
  • Decreased energy, fatigue, or feeling “slowed down”
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
  • Difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or oversleeping
  • Changes in appetite or unplanned weight changes
  • Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
  • Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause that do not ease even with treatment
  • Suicide attempts or thoughts of death or suicide

You may be feel down for a few days and experiences some of the symptoms of depression, but that doesn’t mean you are depressed. In order to be diagnosed as depressed, you must experience symptoms ongoing for two weeks or more.

If you have experienced any of the symptoms above for more than two weeks, I urge you to contact a licensed mental health provider or medical doctor. You do not have to stay in a depressed state forever. There is help available and treatments that work!

Also, I want to acknowledge that in certain faiths like Christianity, it can be taboo to seek help for depression. Friend, there were many people who loved God in the Bible who struggled with depression. In Job 3: 20-22, Job longs to die…

20 “Why is light given to him who is in misery,
    and life to the bitter in soul,
21 who long for death, but it comes not,
    and dig for it more than for hidden treasures,
22 who rejoice exceedingly
    and are glad when they find the grave?

Yes, Job was considered a righteous man. So, do not be discouraged or think that you have no faith if you feel depressed. It is ok to seek help! God provided ways to help us and for us to help each other. He also promised to always be with us even in dark times (Psalm 23). Finally, I’ll encourage you with a verse from Joshua 1:9,

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Thank you dear reader for your question and please send in more or encourage others to do the same!

Much love and encouragment,

Dr. Atwell

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression