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christian counseling

The growing crisis of seeking comfort…

For a while, I’ve noticed the addiction to all things comfort especially in the USA, as I’ve noted before, there is literally a mattress store on every corner these days. Feel free to go back and listen to my podcast episode and the danger zone of comfort, but today I want to share some insight on a book called, The Comfort Crisis, written by Michael Easter.

The book is not based on a Christian perspective but there are many things discussed that truly point to truths written but sadly rarely preached in scripture. The author shares his story based off of an evolutionary perspective but I hope he learns about the Christian faith because I believe if he does much of his research and studies will make much more sense.

The first thing that I noticed is that Michael is likely a millennial who was raised to achieve things that led him to live a “comfortable” life. However, he learned that the comforts of the world actually do not make one fulfilled and satisfied but rather, they make one anxious and ofttimes depressed. He noted that people who have more do not stop complaining, but rather their threshold for what they complain about changes. For example, if you no longer have to worry about where your next meal comes from, you may begin complaining about the type of food you have. It is a very sad truth but I see it played out daily as I’m sure you do.

Another thing Michael mentioned in his book was that if we stop doing hard things or never challenge ourselves or allow ourselves to be challenged, then we never learn how much we are truly capable of. As a parent, I have watched many parents handicap their children by making everything easy for their children.

Finally, I’m still reading…so stay tuned for more in the weeks ahead, but he noted that the reported happiest places on earth are not the ones with the most money or comforts but he mentioned a place he visited that was very poor yet extremely happy. One of the requirements of living in the place he visited near Nepal was “to think about death once daily”. Yes, I realize this sounds morbid but the idea is to remember how short your life is and to make the most of it each day.

Here are the biblical truths that should be taught are were told WAY before Michael wrote this book…

Phil 2:14-15 “Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world”

Proverbs 14:23 “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.”

Romans 5:3-5 (NIV)“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

James 4:14 “Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.”

And here are a few things I have learned or am learning: We truly have nothing to complain about in the USA. Also complaining makes you feel worse, not better. I’ve been in parts of the world, where they have no electricity or clean water. We never have to worry about that in the US for the most part, so stop complaining about taxes…

After a friend challenged me to complete a Spartan super race in Asheville, NC (one of the hardest courses they offer), it made me realize I could actually complete a full marathon, and did (although when I was born the doctors said I may never walk…) The strong will I gained as a child having struggles involving multiple surgeries has served me well…

I want my life to make a difference in the world because I believe that this world is not the end and I will stand before the Creator of all one day and give an answer for what I did with the gifts and talents he gave me. I do not want to say I buried them and did nothing.

Phil 4:13, “I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength.”

Do something challenging daily,

Dr. Atwell

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christian counseling

Dear Counselor…

Recently, I decided to ask you all what you’d like for me to write about, so here goes Blog for Dear Counselor #1.

What is the difference between “being down” for a while and being “depressed”?

This is a great question and arguably one many have asked or pondered. It is also a question for me that is often followed by me asking questions in return.

What does one mean by “being down”? What are your symptoms? How long is “a while”?

Recently, I felt down due to the weather being dreary, coming home from a heart-wrenching mission trip, dealing with loss, and become the mother of a teen driver! It hasn’t felt fun, I can assure you. However, it doesn’t mean I am depressed. Although it is important to monitor how we feel and all of our symptoms so we don’t go from simply being “down” to being depressed.

Depression is a mental health disorder that can be diagnosed by a licensed clinician or medical doctor through assessment of symptoms, length of time with symptoms, circumstances surrounding, family history, etc.

Symptoms to pay attention to include:

  • Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism
  • Feelings of irritability, frustration, or restlessness 
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
  • Decreased energy, fatigue, or feeling “slowed down”
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
  • Difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or oversleeping
  • Changes in appetite or unplanned weight changes
  • Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
  • Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause that do not ease even with treatment
  • Suicide attempts or thoughts of death or suicide

You may be feel down for a few days and experiences some of the symptoms of depression, but that doesn’t mean you are depressed. In order to be diagnosed as depressed, you must experience symptoms ongoing for two weeks or more.

If you have experienced any of the symptoms above for more than two weeks, I urge you to contact a licensed mental health provider or medical doctor. You do not have to stay in a depressed state forever. There is help available and treatments that work!

Also, I want to acknowledge that in certain faiths like Christianity, it can be taboo to seek help for depression. Friend, there were many people who loved God in the Bible who struggled with depression. In Job 3: 20-22, Job longs to die…

20 “Why is light given to him who is in misery,
    and life to the bitter in soul,
21 who long for death, but it comes not,
    and dig for it more than for hidden treasures,
22 who rejoice exceedingly
    and are glad when they find the grave?

Yes, Job was considered a righteous man. So, do not be discouraged or think that you have no faith if you feel depressed. It is ok to seek help! God provided ways to help us and for us to help each other. He also promised to always be with us even in dark times (Psalm 23). Finally, I’ll encourage you with a verse from Joshua 1:9,

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Thank you dear reader for your question and please send in more or encourage others to do the same!

Much love and encouragment,

Dr. Atwell

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression

Categories
christian counseling

Does it really make a difference?

Sometimes, when I consider the vast brokenness of the world in comparison to the seemingly small things I try in order to make a difference, I am overwhelmed. Sure, I’ve asked many times, does it really make a difference? Have you ever asked this question before?

Maybe you have contemplated, does my vote count? Does one dollar make a dent in the cost of this object? If I can’t stop the war, why try to win a small battle? Would it even matter if I forgive the person? Does this small act of kindness matter? Will counseling or talking about my problems actually help?

Sure at times we may say, yes I believe it matters, but often we simply don’t act because we don’t believe it truly does. Actions always speak louder than words.

Recently, my youngest son and I went to be a part of Christmas camps with Ukrainian refugees. We visited four different orphanages that had evacuated from their homes and took refuge in other countries during a war in their home nation. Did we stop the war? No. We we able to provide a loving set of parents to each child? No. BUT we were able to share the love of God with people who’ve essentially lost everything. We were able to spread the joy of Christmas with children. I was able to listen and care for adults who had to leave their homes and families at times to take care of orphans. These individuals and this experience showed us that yes every small thing matters. Simply listening to those who are hurting does help. Giving hope in any way matters!

So today if you are considering whether or not to go an extra step, do a small deed, donate a small amount, leave a kind word, etc. DO it. Let God do a mighty work with your simple act of obedience because as the song goes I grew up singing “Little is much when God is in it…”

Dr. Atwell

Luke 16:10 He that is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much: and he that is unrighteous in a very little is unrighteous also in much.

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christian counseling

Will you add a Ukrainian orphan to your Christmas list?

I know it may seem early to start preparing for the holidays, BUT my youngest son and I must start now. I’m not referring to putting up decorations and watching Christmas vacation, although I love those things!

This year, we have a chance to help orphans and their caregivers who had to flee their homes from the war. Our plan is to join Glow Mission and Legacy Refuge as we host Christmas camps for refugees throughout Europe!

If you like to help us by sponsoring an orphan, we would be thrilled. The cost is $100 per orphan and we are hoping to raise enough to cover 700 children. If you’d like to donate, please go to Paypal and give to counselorthreads@gmail.com.

Counselor Threads is my new clothing brand I’ve started to help raise money for these and other efforts, but you do not have to buy anything, you can simply donate at Paypal via the email address counselorthreads@gmail.com. I will make sure you get credit for your donation.

You may also send a check to Natalie Atwell, memo: Ukraine orphans and mail it to 170 Davidson Hwy Suite 201, Concord, NC 28027

Watch the video below for more info.

Thank you in advance!

Dr. Atwell and youngest son!

Categories
christian counseling

Transitioning…

This is a hot topic and also a controversial one, but for now, I’m not going to talk about what most think this term refers to in certain settings today. I’m simply going to talk about some of the transitioning we all need to do at times. Maybe you need to transition from skinny jeans to flair leg, OR from soda to water. Just kidding, maybe…

Instead of talking about the transitioning that happens in times of major life events such as a wedding, starting college, becoming a parent, becoming an empty nester, or losing a loved one, let’s contemplate the transitioning of mindsets and attitudes. This is the point in reading, or for me writing, where our minds often think of who could benefit from reading this…Let me challenge you to instead focus on yourself. What mindsets, attitudes, or maybe even relationships do you need to change or let go of?

Our mental health is actually brain health. It impacts our entire body. If we have negative mindsets, attitudes, or hurtful relationships, our entire lives, bodies included, are impacted. You may be thinking, what do you mean?

Here are some examples of negative mindsets:

1-I have NO control over my situation.

2-Life is so unfair.

3-I have zero power to change ___________.

4-I deserve this _________________.

5-______________ (ailment, weakness, mental health struggle) defines me.

What about negative attitudes?

Can you be inattentive, inflexible, jealous, impatient, insincere, irresponsible, indifferent, or heartless?

Finally, review your closest relationships.

Are these people understanding, available, kind, supportive, responsive, reciprocal, and friendly, OR are those you surround yourself with negative, competitive, nasty, gossipy, expect you to be there but they can’t reciprocate?

Now when it comes to transitioning negative mindsets, attitudes, and relationships, the first step is to do what you hopefully just did–identify them.

Once you’ve identified your negative mindsets, attitudes, and relationships, next consider how to transition!

Here are a few positive mindsets to try instead of the ones above:

1-I may not be in control of all things, but I AM in control of some aspects. I can control my reactions and responses to people 2 Timothy 1:7).

2-Fair is not always equal. While I may feel I’m experiencing inequality in one area or another, I will choose to be thankful for the good things in my life. I will also choose to treat others HOW I want to be treated even if I’m not being treated the way I’d like (Matthew 7: 12).

3-I have the power to change __________. I may not be able to fully change things today in the direction I would like, but I can change __________ aspect (Philippians 4:13).

4-I am thankful for the blessing in my life. I choose to be humble and not have an entitled mindset (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

5-I am not defined by my struggle or weakness. I can find strength in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Attitudes:

Today I will be attentive, flexible, excited for others, patient, kind, sincere, gentle, loving, responsible, and selfless in my attitude and subsequent actions.

Relationships:

Today and in the future, I will choose to surround myself with positive people who speak truth in love, who are friendly, kind, supportive, understanding, positive, and who are there for me as I’m there for them.

I also choose to let go of friendships or other relationships that are pulling me down and influencing me negatively. I pray for family members who I may need to set boundaries with and will consider seeking counseling to learn how and when to do so.

I realize transitioning mindsets, attitudes and relationships are not easy, but it can be as simple as what I have stated. My promise is that if you make these transitions, it will be worth it!

Have a great rest of your week,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Changing seasons: Preparing for and embracing change

Recently where I live, we’ve had a “cold” front come through (it was 68 degrees earlier this morning compared to 98 a week ago…). As the seasons change, I love to focus on the positives such as wearing boots in fall/winter! There are some places in the world where the seasons don’t change, which always fascinates me considering I’ve always lived in a place that has four seasons. Most of these people actually want to experience changing seasons. They’d love to see the trees change colors and experience wearing different types of shoes (I love shoes…) :).

When it comes to changing seasons in life, we often fight the changes instead of embracing the positives that come with the change. During this time of year, some people are preparing to go back to school, to go back into the classroom to teach, to go off to college, starting a new sport, getting their families ready to do the things already mentioned, or possibly starting a new job. The list could go on. The reality that you or someone near you is currently going through a transitions during this time of year is highly likely.

So why not embrace these transitions or help someone do so in positive ways? Don’t be the one who hates “back to school”, cries for weeks when your kid goes to college, complains about getting up early or staying up late for a ballgame, or fusses that you don’t get to see your grandkids enough….

Here are some things to try to take control of my mind and stay positive while embracing the new season whatever it may be.

1-Make the first day back to school fun. I always play the clip from the movie Billy Madison with Adam Sandler singing “back to school…” followed by the Saturday Night Live skit/clip with Chris Farley and Adam Sandler “Lunch Lady land”. They are easy to find on YouTube.com and now my kids have both memorized!

2-Send care packages to your loved ones or friends who have gone off to college. Send fun things, weird but funny advice (Don’t eat yellow snow for example).

3-Send you grandkids handwritten notes. Volunteer in your community. Stay busy helping others instead of focused on negative things. Support your loved ones in the ways they need not the ways you want.

4-Cry briefly if you must, then call the friend who will make you laugh or take you out if you are struggling with your kid starting a new school or moving away and praise God your kid is moving to the next level or that you have kids!

5-Do something each morning that you look forward to. I look forward to my coffee and time with Jesus every morning in my prayer closet. I meditate, pray, journal, sometimes cry, laugh, and try to get my mind right for the day.

6-Try learning something new. Personally, I’d like to try playing pickle ball.

The list could go on, but you get the point. Life is truly what you make it wherever you are and in whatever season. Don’t look back wishing your past were still the present. Looking back may cause you to become a pillar of salt, (Genesis 19:26)– stuck where you are. Appreciate where you are now just as much as being thankful for where you have been. Choose to be the fun old lady, the sweet neighbor, the one who keeps serving and making a difference in her community.

Just like some would love to be experience the seasons changing where they live, enjoy the changes you are going through because many wish they were able to experience the changes you are undergoing. Finally remember that God has great plans for you in every season of life (Jeremiah 29:11).

Be blessed,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Parent Failures: podcast

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/miss-congeniality-and-the-third-runner-up/id1533556882

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christian counseling

Understanding Transitions

Road sign message - Change just ahead

Change is inevitable. We will all go through multiple transitions in life. During the fall season, the leaves in many places change colors on the trees. Some have children going off to college. Some are the ones going off to college and parents of new teens are freaking out of bodily changes… Others are beginning new jobs, trying new activities, etc.

As we have all settled in for the fall in one way or another, it may be important to understand the phases of transition that most people will experience. Transition generally follows this pattern: denial, resistance, exploration, and commitment.

1-Denial: In this phase, you begin to question the change. Was it the right move for us? We begin to feel disbelief that we have decided to make a change of this nature. We may also withdrawal from certain things, activities, etc.

2-Resistance: In the next phase you begin to resist as you become negative about the change. You being to focus on your emotions and personal impact or feelings associated with the change. You may even become less productive or make up excuses for being absent.

3-Exploration: Once you reach this phase, you begin to try new things, experiment with new people/places and possibly take new risks in your new setting. You may also seek answers to your questions during this phase about your transition, etc. This phase will bring about a new excitement and comfort for the change.

4-Commitment: In the final stage of transition or change. You begin to feel more comfortable with where you are and are now able to focus on the future without looking back. In the final phase you accept your new role and set new goals.

As you go through change in life or as you help another go through a transition, remember these stages. People go through these at different rates of time but it is important to know that the feeling, emotions, questions, etc. you have during the phases are normal. Change is a natural and healthy part of life but that doesn’t mean it is always comfortable. However, we will never grow as we can and should if we stay within our comfort zone and never embrace change.

From a faith perspective, we can know that God is the person who never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and will be tomorrow. We can hold fast to his word and person as we deal with the transitions of life.

Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

Don’t fear change,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Find joy in meeting new people

No doubt, I am a social person and meeting others comes natural to me, but it is something anyone can do even if it requires allowing oneself to be uncomfortable for a minute or longer.

This past weekend, I was with a friend exploring the beautiful town of Tryon, NC. We both love to hear others’ stories, which is probably one reason we love being therapists! While we were in an adorable bookstore/toystore/gift shop talking to the sweet owner named, Julia, an older man came in. Immediately he caught our attention because he had long white hair pulled back into a ponytail and a long white beard. He was wearing a tied eye shirt and jeans. I don’t often see white hairs wearing tied eye, like they were still enjoying the 70s, around where I live.

Before we began talking to him, I noticed he came in to pick up a copy of a book he wanted which was the same book my oldest son picked out. There is was, our commonality! Finding something in common with someone is a way into some great conversations! So our conversation began…

Julia introduced my friend and I to J. Alan Peoples, the infamous mayor of Tryon, NC. We finished our conversation with Julia, a lovely lady who will be in a Hallmark Christmas movie coming out this fall that was filmed in Tryon, and walked outside to see Mr. Peoples van.

It was exactly the van you have in mind for a man wearing a tied eye shirt and a white ponytail. It was this old Volkswagen van from the 70s or at least it looked like that (look at the featured image). It looked like so much fun to ride in and drive around. Mr. Peoples told us he bought the van for his beautiful wife who was sitting on the plush orange passenger seat. She loved it and he loved her.

As I talked to Mrs. Peoples and my friend talked to Mr. Peoples, I realized the Mrs. and I weren’t quite finishing our conversations which was totally fine. I can be very ADD at times in conversation, etc. so I wasn’t sure if it was me or her at first. After a while I could tell something was off, but I could also sense her kind heart and loving spirit. Later on after our great conversation with the mayor, his wife, and another local who walked up to say hello, my friend told me that Mr. Peoples said his wife had dementia.

The mayor had told us about his military service, teaching/coaching job, and position as major, but the most important work he does is caring for his wife. He said people asked him why he hadn’t put her somewhere and he said that is not what he wanted to do. He loved her and wanted to take care of her. He still does his jobs, but he takes her with him and the townspeople help him. Mr. Peoples said they all help take care of one another in their small town.

Wow, I loved this town. More importantly, I was reminded that when we stop and take the time to hear the stories of others, we can learn so much and be inspired to live out our stories in a great way by loving others. We were so encouraged by Mr. Peoples and the people in the town simply by taking the time to chat.

So, stop and meet someone new today even if you think what they are wearing or driving is very different from what you are wearing or driving….

Learn something new, be inspired, or be reminded about what really matters. As my friend and author of Sign to Story, Chris Smith says, “Embrace every opportunity God gives you to pour into the person standing in front of you.” As you embrace the chance to love others, you’ll find that you are also being loved!

I can’t wait to hear some of your stories! Message or email me!

Dr. Atwell

natalie@concord-nacounseling.com

Categories
christian counseling

I Go Back, how homes make us and how we can use our resources for good.

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1378717/8102812