Tag: inspiration

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christian counseling

The growing crisis of seeking comfort…

For a while, I’ve noticed the addiction to all things comfort especially in the USA, as I’ve noted before, there is literally a mattress store on every corner these days. Feel free to go back and listen to my podcast episode and the danger zone of comfort, but today I want to share some insight on a book called, The Comfort Crisis, written by Michael Easter.

The book is not based on a Christian perspective but there are many things discussed that truly point to truths written but sadly rarely preached in scripture. The author shares his story based off of an evolutionary perspective but I hope he learns about the Christian faith because I believe if he does much of his research and studies will make much more sense.

The first thing that I noticed is that Michael is likely a millennial who was raised to achieve things that led him to live a “comfortable” life. However, he learned that the comforts of the world actually do not make one fulfilled and satisfied but rather, they make one anxious and ofttimes depressed. He noted that people who have more do not stop complaining, but rather their threshold for what they complain about changes. For example, if you no longer have to worry about where your next meal comes from, you may begin complaining about the type of food you have. It is a very sad truth but I see it played out daily as I’m sure you do.

Another thing Michael mentioned in his book was that if we stop doing hard things or never challenge ourselves or allow ourselves to be challenged, then we never learn how much we are truly capable of. As a parent, I have watched many parents handicap their children by making everything easy for their children.

Finally, I’m still reading…so stay tuned for more in the weeks ahead, but he noted that the reported happiest places on earth are not the ones with the most money or comforts but he mentioned a place he visited that was very poor yet extremely happy. One of the requirements of living in the place he visited near Nepal was “to think about death once daily”. Yes, I realize this sounds morbid but the idea is to remember how short your life is and to make the most of it each day.

Here are the biblical truths that should be taught are were told WAY before Michael wrote this book…

Phil 2:14-15 “Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world”

Proverbs 14:23 “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.”

Romans 5:3-5 (NIV)“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

James 4:14 “Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.”

And here are a few things I have learned or am learning: We truly have nothing to complain about in the USA. Also complaining makes you feel worse, not better. I’ve been in parts of the world, where they have no electricity or clean water. We never have to worry about that in the US for the most part, so stop complaining about taxes…

After a friend challenged me to complete a Spartan super race in Asheville, NC (one of the hardest courses they offer), it made me realize I could actually complete a full marathon, and did (although when I was born the doctors said I may never walk…) The strong will I gained as a child having struggles involving multiple surgeries has served me well…

I want my life to make a difference in the world because I believe that this world is not the end and I will stand before the Creator of all one day and give an answer for what I did with the gifts and talents he gave me. I do not want to say I buried them and did nothing.

Phil 4:13, “I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength.”

Do something challenging daily,

Dr. Atwell

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christian counseling

Sound of freedom continued

If you didn’t read my previous post, go back and read it first. This post is a continuation of my story of experiencing the sound of freedom related to human trafficking.

Continuing from last week, the first sound of freedom for me was the sound of my professor’s voice. He taught me that research matters. One of the things the film did well was mentioning some of the statistics surrounding the “business” of trafficking. Human trafficking is one of the fastest-growing industries in the world. Humans can be used over and over while drugs cannot so in essence is it more lucrative from a monetary standpoint. Statistics and research on these matters are important although dark.

When I met my friend the DA, I will never forget what she told me when I asked her how she could prosecute sex offenders for over 25 years. She said to me, “Natalie, God asked me to go into the fiery furnace but he promised that I would not be alone and that I wouldn’t get burned or even smell like fire, just like Shadrack, Meshack, and Abednego.” I knew we’d be friends for a long time once she said that…

Her voice was likely the next sound I experienced on the freedom journey for the battle again human trafficking. She is very passionate about putting away bad guys and I love her for it. Since the time we met, I have been honored to serve alongside her with many other community partners, agencies, leaders, etc to discuss ways we can combat human trafficking in our area. One of the things we talk about often is that in a nice suburb, many people do not think that it happens or they simply want to not think about it. Thankfully, part of our work is educating the public.

Knowledge is truly power. I cannot protect my kids from everything, but I can work extremely hard to prepare them. Honestly, mine probably get tired of hearing “Remember not to talk to strangers online. I’m monitoring you. I don’t care if others’ parents allow them to ….., etc.” but because I know, I have to prepare my kids and part of that is discussing difficult and uncomfortable topics with them. As I often say, you do nto want your kids to use “Google” as their educator, If you talk often to your kids, they will know they can come to you to ask. You also do not want your kids to need attention or affirmation from strangers online, so make sure you are giving them adequate attention and affirmation often.

In conclusion, I’ll tie this all together by sharing with you one of the most startling statistics I found in my research and that was that adolescents whose fathers worked many hours away from home were one of the highest groups at-risk in the US. Think about this….Our kids may not act like they want or need us still, but they do!

Spend more time with your family today,

Dr. Atwell

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christian counseling

Help: My teen is depressed

If you only knew the number of times, I hear this on a weekly basis, you may experience some depressed feelings. Friends text me, potential clients email me, my family calls me, and I consult with colleagues as my own children have their moments, etc. The amount has increased exponentially in the past several years.

There are many factors I believe (from what I’ve seen and heard) that have contributed to the increase: increase use of technology for social purposes, 24/7 access to anything and everything, decrease in time spent in person with others, decrease emphasis on spiritual families (church, youth group, godly mentors), unhealthy spiritual families, increase focus on talent/intellect/abilities OVER focus on development of character, increase in divorce and family splits that are much more volatile, a push for medicating problems over uncovering the root of issues, the push of social/cultural agendas, and more but these are the biggest factors.

You may or may not be shocked by the “factors” I’ve identified, but the truth is teens are experiencing depression at higher rates than ever before. So how can we respond as parents:

1-Monitor your teens’ social media. Tell them why and explain that you are trying to help them manage their mental health by having time off. Gradually, allow them to have social media as they mature, but regularly monitor and talk to them about it. My personal recommendation is 30-60 minutes a day max on social media.

2-Take time off. Help your kids take time off too not just from technology but from everything. Prioritize family time again. Rest and reset often. Model this for your teens. While you are “off” spend time with your kids. Maybe you have 3, 4, or more kids and you think it is impossible. Make it happen no matter what. This is a life-or-death issue. Your kids need your one-on-one attention more than anyone or anything else, period. Weekly is preferred with each child in the home (at least an hour uninterrupted or split up over days).

3-Make sure your family spends time in person together regularly. Eat dinner as often as possible together. Have your teens invite their friends over. Encourage and require in-person activities.

4-Find a spiritual family/church to be a part of. I prefer the term spiritual family because this is what it should be. You and your family should be making healthy attachments to godly people. If you do, the chances of drug/alcohol addiction and all types of other unhealthy behaviors will decrease.

5-Make sure your spiritual family is a healthy one. Know the people teaching your kids at youth group. Make sure your pastor is preaching the truth of God from the Bible, which requires you to know the Bible…so read it daily, study it, meditate on it. This is the only truth and one that promises to set us free.

6-Place more attention on the development of character by fostering growth of the fruit of the spirit: love, gentleness, patience, kindness,  love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control OVER grades, sports, music lessons, etc. These things can be used to help foster character but often we (yes me included) focus more on how well they perform over their attitudes.

7-Fight to keep your family together. If this isn’t possible, make every effort to get along. Kids ALWAYS interpret parents who do not get along as their fault in divorce situations. So stop it!

8-If your child needs medication (should be a last resort), couple this with counseling so that they learn to deal with the root of the problem and prayerfully overcome it OR learn tools to cope with it that make them stronger.

9-Do not allow society or culture to tell your children WHO or WHAT they are. Teach them and show them that they are who God (their creator) says they are. They are designed perfectly as his creation. They are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. (Psalm 139:14). Others are trying to teach your children something counter to God’s truth so make sure they know and do not assume. They are precious in the sight of the Almighty.

Finally, remember you are NOT alone. Pray for your children. Invite the Holy Spirit to fill you and your child to do the work that only He can do. Seek Godly counsel. Spend time with your children as often as possible. Get help from godly counselors as needed. Find good physicians who will listen first and not just prescribe after a few minutes.

There is a supernatural fight for our children, but remember that the weapons of our warfare are righteousness, peace, truth, God’s word, salvation through Jesus, and faith. Do you know why David in the battle against Goliath picked up FIVE stones? I believe it is because Goliath had four brothers. So pick up all the stones you need to fight the battle against your teen. We will take down every giant in this world if we fight the right way and remember that HE who is within us is greater than he who is in the world.

Slaying giants for your children and mine,

Dr. Atwell

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christian counseling

Dear Counselor…

Recently, I decided to ask you all what you’d like for me to write about, so here goes Blog for Dear Counselor #1.

What is the difference between “being down” for a while and being “depressed”?

This is a great question and arguably one many have asked or pondered. It is also a question for me that is often followed by me asking questions in return.

What does one mean by “being down”? What are your symptoms? How long is “a while”?

Recently, I felt down due to the weather being dreary, coming home from a heart-wrenching mission trip, dealing with loss, and become the mother of a teen driver! It hasn’t felt fun, I can assure you. However, it doesn’t mean I am depressed. Although it is important to monitor how we feel and all of our symptoms so we don’t go from simply being “down” to being depressed.

Depression is a mental health disorder that can be diagnosed by a licensed clinician or medical doctor through assessment of symptoms, length of time with symptoms, circumstances surrounding, family history, etc.

Symptoms to pay attention to include:

  • Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism
  • Feelings of irritability, frustration, or restlessness 
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
  • Decreased energy, fatigue, or feeling “slowed down”
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
  • Difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or oversleeping
  • Changes in appetite or unplanned weight changes
  • Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
  • Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause that do not ease even with treatment
  • Suicide attempts or thoughts of death or suicide

You may be feel down for a few days and experiences some of the symptoms of depression, but that doesn’t mean you are depressed. In order to be diagnosed as depressed, you must experience symptoms ongoing for two weeks or more.

If you have experienced any of the symptoms above for more than two weeks, I urge you to contact a licensed mental health provider or medical doctor. You do not have to stay in a depressed state forever. There is help available and treatments that work!

Also, I want to acknowledge that in certain faiths like Christianity, it can be taboo to seek help for depression. Friend, there were many people who loved God in the Bible who struggled with depression. In Job 3: 20-22, Job longs to die…

20 “Why is light given to him who is in misery,
    and life to the bitter in soul,
21 who long for death, but it comes not,
    and dig for it more than for hidden treasures,
22 who rejoice exceedingly
    and are glad when they find the grave?

Yes, Job was considered a righteous man. So, do not be discouraged or think that you have no faith if you feel depressed. It is ok to seek help! God provided ways to help us and for us to help each other. He also promised to always be with us even in dark times (Psalm 23). Finally, I’ll encourage you with a verse from Joshua 1:9,

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Thank you dear reader for your question and please send in more or encourage others to do the same!

Much love and encouragment,

Dr. Atwell

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression

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christian counseling

Does it really make a difference?

Sometimes, when I consider the vast brokenness of the world in comparison to the seemingly small things I try in order to make a difference, I am overwhelmed. Sure, I’ve asked many times, does it really make a difference? Have you ever asked this question before?

Maybe you have contemplated, does my vote count? Does one dollar make a dent in the cost of this object? If I can’t stop the war, why try to win a small battle? Would it even matter if I forgive the person? Does this small act of kindness matter? Will counseling or talking about my problems actually help?

Sure at times we may say, yes I believe it matters, but often we simply don’t act because we don’t believe it truly does. Actions always speak louder than words.

Recently, my youngest son and I went to be a part of Christmas camps with Ukrainian refugees. We visited four different orphanages that had evacuated from their homes and took refuge in other countries during a war in their home nation. Did we stop the war? No. We we able to provide a loving set of parents to each child? No. BUT we were able to share the love of God with people who’ve essentially lost everything. We were able to spread the joy of Christmas with children. I was able to listen and care for adults who had to leave their homes and families at times to take care of orphans. These individuals and this experience showed us that yes every small thing matters. Simply listening to those who are hurting does help. Giving hope in any way matters!

So today if you are considering whether or not to go an extra step, do a small deed, donate a small amount, leave a kind word, etc. DO it. Let God do a mighty work with your simple act of obedience because as the song goes I grew up singing “Little is much when God is in it…”

Dr. Atwell

Luke 16:10 He that is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much: and he that is unrighteous in a very little is unrighteous also in much.

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christian counseling

Giving and Mental Health

Did you know that giving can actually help you mentally? Personally, I believe God designed us this way. He created us and our brains to feel the rewards and joy of giving.

Here are a few things even secular sources have shown.

1-Giving can make you feel happy by stimulating the pleasure circuits in your brain! It can give you a dose of endorphins and promote feelings of peace and tranquility.

2-Giving has been shown to decrease your blood pressure and reduce stress!

3-Giving is a great way to show you believe in reaping what you sow.

4-Giving inspires others to also do good things.

So, take advantage of today, “Giving Tuesday”. There are many places in which you can give, but if you’d like to help my youngest son and me take Christmas joy to Ukrainian orphans, please donate at PayPal at counselorthreads@gmail.com. We are trying to raise $100 per child and caregiver.

We will be visiting two displaced orphanages currently located in Germany and Austria and we play to have Christmas camps with them where we make/decorate cookies, play games, sing songs, and give gifts!

So consider giving today at the very least to increase your own mental health!

Happy giving Tuesday!

Proverbs 19:17 Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.

Proverbs 22:9 The generous will themselves be blessed, for they share their food with the poor.

Proverbs 22:16 Whoever oppresses the poor to increase his own wealth, or gives to the rich, will only come to poverty.

etc…..

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Will you add a Ukrainian orphan to your Christmas list?

I know it may seem early to start preparing for the holidays, BUT my youngest son and I must start now. I’m not referring to putting up decorations and watching Christmas vacation, although I love those things!

This year, we have a chance to help orphans and their caregivers who had to flee their homes from the war. Our plan is to join Glow Mission and Legacy Refuge as we host Christmas camps for refugees throughout Europe!

If you like to help us by sponsoring an orphan, we would be thrilled. The cost is $100 per orphan and we are hoping to raise enough to cover 700 children. If you’d like to donate, please go to Paypal and give to counselorthreads@gmail.com.

Counselor Threads is my new clothing brand I’ve started to help raise money for these and other efforts, but you do not have to buy anything, you can simply donate at Paypal via the email address counselorthreads@gmail.com. I will make sure you get credit for your donation.

You may also send a check to Natalie Atwell, memo: Ukraine orphans and mail it to 170 Davidson Hwy Suite 201, Concord, NC 28027

Watch the video below for more info.

Thank you in advance!

Dr. Atwell and youngest son!

Categories
christian counseling

Transitioning…

This is a hot topic and also a controversial one, but for now, I’m not going to talk about what most think this term refers to in certain settings today. I’m simply going to talk about some of the transitioning we all need to do at times. Maybe you need to transition from skinny jeans to flair leg, OR from soda to water. Just kidding, maybe…

Instead of talking about the transitioning that happens in times of major life events such as a wedding, starting college, becoming a parent, becoming an empty nester, or losing a loved one, let’s contemplate the transitioning of mindsets and attitudes. This is the point in reading, or for me writing, where our minds often think of who could benefit from reading this…Let me challenge you to instead focus on yourself. What mindsets, attitudes, or maybe even relationships do you need to change or let go of?

Our mental health is actually brain health. It impacts our entire body. If we have negative mindsets, attitudes, or hurtful relationships, our entire lives, bodies included, are impacted. You may be thinking, what do you mean?

Here are some examples of negative mindsets:

1-I have NO control over my situation.

2-Life is so unfair.

3-I have zero power to change ___________.

4-I deserve this _________________.

5-______________ (ailment, weakness, mental health struggle) defines me.

What about negative attitudes?

Can you be inattentive, inflexible, jealous, impatient, insincere, irresponsible, indifferent, or heartless?

Finally, review your closest relationships.

Are these people understanding, available, kind, supportive, responsive, reciprocal, and friendly, OR are those you surround yourself with negative, competitive, nasty, gossipy, expect you to be there but they can’t reciprocate?

Now when it comes to transitioning negative mindsets, attitudes, and relationships, the first step is to do what you hopefully just did–identify them.

Once you’ve identified your negative mindsets, attitudes, and relationships, next consider how to transition!

Here are a few positive mindsets to try instead of the ones above:

1-I may not be in control of all things, but I AM in control of some aspects. I can control my reactions and responses to people 2 Timothy 1:7).

2-Fair is not always equal. While I may feel I’m experiencing inequality in one area or another, I will choose to be thankful for the good things in my life. I will also choose to treat others HOW I want to be treated even if I’m not being treated the way I’d like (Matthew 7: 12).

3-I have the power to change __________. I may not be able to fully change things today in the direction I would like, but I can change __________ aspect (Philippians 4:13).

4-I am thankful for the blessing in my life. I choose to be humble and not have an entitled mindset (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

5-I am not defined by my struggle or weakness. I can find strength in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Attitudes:

Today I will be attentive, flexible, excited for others, patient, kind, sincere, gentle, loving, responsible, and selfless in my attitude and subsequent actions.

Relationships:

Today and in the future, I will choose to surround myself with positive people who speak truth in love, who are friendly, kind, supportive, understanding, positive, and who are there for me as I’m there for them.

I also choose to let go of friendships or other relationships that are pulling me down and influencing me negatively. I pray for family members who I may need to set boundaries with and will consider seeking counseling to learn how and when to do so.

I realize transitioning mindsets, attitudes and relationships are not easy, but it can be as simple as what I have stated. My promise is that if you make these transitions, it will be worth it!

Have a great rest of your week,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Changing seasons: Preparing for and embracing change

Recently where I live, we’ve had a “cold” front come through (it was 68 degrees earlier this morning compared to 98 a week ago…). As the seasons change, I love to focus on the positives such as wearing boots in fall/winter! There are some places in the world where the seasons don’t change, which always fascinates me considering I’ve always lived in a place that has four seasons. Most of these people actually want to experience changing seasons. They’d love to see the trees change colors and experience wearing different types of shoes (I love shoes…) :).

When it comes to changing seasons in life, we often fight the changes instead of embracing the positives that come with the change. During this time of year, some people are preparing to go back to school, to go back into the classroom to teach, to go off to college, starting a new sport, getting their families ready to do the things already mentioned, or possibly starting a new job. The list could go on. The reality that you or someone near you is currently going through a transitions during this time of year is highly likely.

So why not embrace these transitions or help someone do so in positive ways? Don’t be the one who hates “back to school”, cries for weeks when your kid goes to college, complains about getting up early or staying up late for a ballgame, or fusses that you don’t get to see your grandkids enough….

Here are some things to try to take control of my mind and stay positive while embracing the new season whatever it may be.

1-Make the first day back to school fun. I always play the clip from the movie Billy Madison with Adam Sandler singing “back to school…” followed by the Saturday Night Live skit/clip with Chris Farley and Adam Sandler “Lunch Lady land”. They are easy to find on YouTube.com and now my kids have both memorized!

2-Send care packages to your loved ones or friends who have gone off to college. Send fun things, weird but funny advice (Don’t eat yellow snow for example).

3-Send you grandkids handwritten notes. Volunteer in your community. Stay busy helping others instead of focused on negative things. Support your loved ones in the ways they need not the ways you want.

4-Cry briefly if you must, then call the friend who will make you laugh or take you out if you are struggling with your kid starting a new school or moving away and praise God your kid is moving to the next level or that you have kids!

5-Do something each morning that you look forward to. I look forward to my coffee and time with Jesus every morning in my prayer closet. I meditate, pray, journal, sometimes cry, laugh, and try to get my mind right for the day.

6-Try learning something new. Personally, I’d like to try playing pickle ball.

The list could go on, but you get the point. Life is truly what you make it wherever you are and in whatever season. Don’t look back wishing your past were still the present. Looking back may cause you to become a pillar of salt, (Genesis 19:26)– stuck where you are. Appreciate where you are now just as much as being thankful for where you have been. Choose to be the fun old lady, the sweet neighbor, the one who keeps serving and making a difference in her community.

Just like some would love to be experience the seasons changing where they live, enjoy the changes you are going through because many wish they were able to experience the changes you are undergoing. Finally remember that God has great plans for you in every season of life (Jeremiah 29:11).

Be blessed,

Dr. Atwell

Categories
christian counseling

Concerns about the Enneagram

As a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and university professor, I’ve been aware of the enneagram for many years, likely longer than most. However, over the past several years, I have been amazed at how the popularity of this test has increased dramatically especially within Christian circles. I’m often asked what my thoughts are about the Enneagram, so I will share below…

First of all when evaluating assessments and tests seeking to understand yourself, you should find out where the test originated, who created it, the validity, reliability, etc. Second, if you are a Christian, you should find out how it relates to truth as defined in the Bible. Third, ask yourself why you need this assessment or the information it is claiming to provide. Then as always, proceed with caution with anything that seeks to define you outside of God.

My concerns with the Enneagram as someone who has a doctorate in the field of counseling is related to a few things.

1-The “test” isn’t a psychological assessment that has undergone specific design and professional strategies to prove or attempt to suggest reliability or validity internally or externally.

2-The test has similarities and roots pointing to New Age (occult) practices and teachings.

3-This test attempts to put people into categories or boxes (similar to the concerns about critical race theory at times) in a way whereas God’s word never does this and suggests we are all created uniquely and wonderfully different.

3-If we believe the Enneagram is true, then we may latch on to and start filtering everything through the lens of the Enneagram. Similar to astrology or other efforts to explain humans, people have a tendency to latch on to things and begin believing everything a specific belief suggests simply because parts of it make sense. As believers in Christ, we should filter everything through the lens of scripture as it alone provides absolute truth.

4-Do not be easily deceived by things that seemingly “make sense”. This is often how deception occurs.

5-Be cautious about anything that focuses solely on your “self”. Focusing life and truth solely on your experiences is very dangerous and also what New Age teaches not what the Bible teaches. If you experience it, then it is true…This is a very dangerous idea.

6-Finally, remember as christians, we should be going through a sanctification process as we allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through us each day. Therefore, just because at times for example we may struggle with perfectionism doesn’t mean God isn’t working in us to overcome this. Just like we should never say as believers in Christ, “I just struggle with anger, it is who I am.” Rather we should say, I am a new creation in Christ, I will die to my flesh daily. We may not change in an instant but we shouldn’t struggle as much today as we did the day we decided to follow Jesus.

For more information, I urge you to read the following article by: Marcia Montenegro.

https://ses.edu/what-about-the-enneagram/

More articles below:

http://www.christiananswersforthenewage.org/Articles.html

Be blessed,

Dr. Atwell